I unconsciously tapped out

I’ve been stubbornly rejecting my energetical wellbeing, ignoring signs of corrections, and living as if life is on hold… which of course it’s not.

I’m aware… no, I know what needs to be done to achieve intended state of well-being.

Be it mental, physical, spiritual, or the relationship I have with anything or anyone I interact with.

Yet these last four days have been lost and I watched it happen.

Lost because I did not make any conscious choice to further my growth in any sense.

The things and people that are most important to me were not seen nor felt.

I believed I was in control, knew what I was doing. I believed I deserved to just be the way I wanted to, but I was just being on the sidelines of my own life.

That is what’s happening when I’m not on mission, not expressing and not loving.

This is not about being able to rest or being too hard on oneself. It’s about the consequences of not being conscious of one’s life in a way that moves you forward to where you need and desire to be.

I’m talking about little things but with big life impact. For they are the bricks on the road leading to our chosen destination and the foundation and fortitude of a strong will.

I do seize the first moments of my day, usually, and today I kind of did. After that, I was mostly unaware of… anything.

Despite all this, today was not a total waste because I did arrive at this conclusion.

A lesson has been taught and the lesson has been learned.

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